Last September I was in the Midwest with my brother and his friend for an Ironman-distance triathlon. They were competing in it, while I was just there for moral support and to photograph it. 140.6 miles of non-stop swimming, biking and running is a bit too long for me.

The night before the race we we were not having all that much luck finding a good restaurant for dinner. They wanted something simple, in anticipation of the following grueling day. It would have been nice to find something other than one of the large chain restaurants, but unfortunately, that’s more or less all they had there. In addition, they were all surprisingly very crowded. We found ourselves eating at the bar at an Olive Garden. Not exactly our idea of Italian food, but what were we to do? Besides, pasta seemed like a safe enough bet and would give them the carbs they wanted.

Well, we were sitting at the bar, and although the two of them were racing the next day, there was little reason for me to abstain from a nice drink. Display directly across from us were the various vodkas available, so it seemed like a Vodka Martini would be appropriate. As I often do when I have some doubts, I was a bit extra clear when I ordered my very dry Vodka Martini, and I added the statement “with just a drop of Vermouth”. I don’t mean to be pretentious, but you’d be surprised how many bartenders I’ve encountered who apparently don’t know what “very dry” means. Alas, it was the main ingredient I should have been much more explicit about.

As a side note, for anyone here who isn’t familiar with the Vodka Martini, it is a very simple drink. It is a derivative of the true Martini which is made with Gin and a little bit of dry Vermouth. For the Vodka Martini, it’s just Vodka with often an even smaller amount of dry Vermouth.  A “dry” Martini has very, very little Vermouth.  For some of us, that means just a drop of Vermouth, and I often use a mister to spray on just a hint of extra dry Vermouth [Noilly Prat, 'of course]. I’ve heard of some who use an eyedropper, and it’s been said for the ultimate dry Martini you should just show the Vodka (or Gin) to the bottle of Noilly Prat.

Getting back to the story, I was aware the bartender was busy with a few drinks he was making, but I wasn’t really paying all that much attention. It was my brother who thought he was working on my drink. What caught my brother’s attention was the recipe card the bartender kept referencing while make the drink.

Seriously? A recipe card for a 2-ingredient drink? Obviously, he couldn’t be making my Vodka Martini because he kept referring to that card as if it contained complex, detailed instructions. The Martini, one of the most quintessential drinks, is definitely not all that complicated. Every bartender should know how to make one, right? Besides, he had a bottle of Beefeater Gin in his hand, so he couldn’t be making my drink, now, could he?

I watched as he kept referring to the recipe card, obviously looking for some sort of inspiration or guidance. Reluctantly I asked him if he was making my drink, but unfortunately I already knew the answer. I hesitated while I contemplated a concern that I might confuse him further, but was forced to reminded him that I had ordered a Vodka Martini. He immediately dumped out the contents of the Boston Shaker, but then a look of complete confusion came over him. He looked back at the card, and seemed quite baffled. I told him it was just Vodka with a drop of Vermouth. While he did finally produce the drink, as you might be able to guess, the final product definitely had too much Vermouth.

What I could not understand is how someone could work as a bartender and not know how to make one of the most basic of drinks. Shouldn’t that be a basic job requirement? And then my brother explained it very clearly when he told me what he couldn’t understand is why I didn’t realize I should have just ordered a beer.

I refuse to accept that “Ginormous” is a word. I know Merriam-Webster added it to their dictionary in 2007, but it still sounds comical. In my book, it’s still not a real word.

What makes it so utterly absurd is that it is the combination of two words — gigantic and enormous — which basically have the exact same definition as the resulting new word. What is the point?

It’s a fairly sad commentary on the state of our language and society that we have resorted to smashing together existing words in an attempt to derive new synonyms, rather than using the wide variety of perfectly good alternatives anyone could find in a good thesaurus. Or perhaps that is the problem? How many people actually own a thesaurus these days?  [Well, there's always Thesaurus.com, but I doubt those enamored with the word "ginormous" bother with that either.]

As a case in point, to name a few, here are some synonyms one could use instead:

colossal, enormous, gargantuan, gigantic, huge, humongous, immeasurable, immense, jumbo, mammoth, massive, monstrous, mountainous, prodigious, stupendous, super-colossal, titanic, tremendous

The very fact that ginormous sounds like a word crafted by a tween sometime in the last decade should automatically disqualify it from inclusion in our dictionaries.  According to Merriam-Webster, it dates back to 1948, although references to its usage in print and literature do not seem to date back quite as far. The New York Times, on the other hand, calls it a neologism — a newly created word. Whatever the case of its history may be, I still don’t see it as a word my grandparents’ generation would have included in their conversations. It’s really only relatively recently that it seems to have gained popularity. However, I don’t know if that helps bolster this nonsensical word’s validity. More likely it provides further evidence of the dumbing down of our culture.

So does inclusion in a dictionary legitimize a word? I don’t think so. In the end society really makes the call on that one. But, if it was society that invented this moronic word, that doesn’t give me hope about our linguistic future.

And then, while watching the news the other day, I was amazed and horrified as the anchor described something as ginormous. He sounded ridiculous, and certainly far from authoritative and professional as we’d expect the news to at least pretend to be.  I guess my response would have been more appropriate if I had said “W.T.F.”, but in case you don’t realize, I don’t like to be that brief.

Bluetooth is great. I love using a headset without wires. Better yet, the built-in bluetooth system in my car is very, very slick. But what I just can’t understand is why so many people insist on wearing their bluetooth headsets all the time, as if it were some sort of fashion statement.

I’m sorry, but wearing that stupid headset does not make you look more important, no matter what you think when you look in the mirror. In fact, when you’re not on a phone call, wearing the headset makes you look like a complete idiot.

The other day I was in a restaurant and a man walked in wearing his Bluetooth headset. He never took it off and wore it throughout his entire meal. However, it was worse than just that…it continued to blink its very bright, very annoying blue LED status indicator the entire time. It wasn’t bad enough that he looked like a dork, but he needed a beacon to alert everyone of his presence.

Besides, for the most part, none of them are comfortable enough to wear all the time, so why would you want to do that anyway?

The Onion has the scoop on the next big thing, soon to be released by Sony. Apparently, this may be the next “must have” electronic gadget. According to The Onion…

“Our Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.”

Disclaimer:
If you have a problem with 4-letter words, have any young children nearby, or you’re at work, you probably don’t want to follow this link right now. You have been warned.

Otherwise, click here to view the video.

For the record, I found this to be funny as hell, but hey, what do I know.

Yes, I definitely realize fast food is not good for me. Yes, I shouldn’t eat it. But sometimes I give in. I can blame it on the kids — who complain as if they are very deprived since we rarely go there — but I’m not sure that’s entirely fair.

Anyway, we’re getting to the point where the kids meals are not always enough for them. A 10-piece order of chicken nuggets for the kids and I to share helps with that, and if I’m going to have some I want Hot Mustard Sauce to go with them.  Not honey mustard sauce. Not barbecue sauce. Hot Mustard Sauce. It’s been a choice since they introduced their nuggets decades ago (at least here in the US).

So today, when I asked for Hot Mustard Sauce, the woman behind the counter gave me an odd look. That was not a good sign. She reached under the counter and pulled out a couple of packets of regular yellow mustard. Not exactly what I asked for. The conversation went something like this…

Me: Ummm, can I have hot mustard sauce?

Server: That is mustard.

Me: Yes, but I asked for hot mustard sauce. This is regular mustard.

Server: We have honey mustard.

Me: No, I don’t want honey mustard. You have a hot mustard sauce. It comes in a square small package.

Server: We don’t have that. We have honey mustard.

Me: You’ve always had it before…

At this point I’m thinking, perhaps it was discontinued? It has been a while since I’ve gotten this fast food. The server, meanwhile goes to get the rest of our order.

Server (to the manager): Do we have hot mustard sauce?

Manager (pointing under the counter by the register): Yes, it’s right there next to the others.

It’s at this point the Server comes back to the register and reaches under the counter.

Manager (watching the server obviously still not getting it right): No, to the right.

Manager: No, the next one.

Finally, without saying a word the Server pulls out a package of Hot Mustard Sauce and puts it down with our order.

Now, do I dare mention that for the three of us, we really need more than one?

If you’ve read our post “what’s your pet peeve?,” you’ll know that we’re not listing our pet peeves in order by annoyance and that the number for each pet peeve has no special significance.  However, we are intentionally skipping pet peeves numbers one through ten so that we don’t get inane questions and comments regarding which pet peeves deserve to be number one, number two, etc.  Besides, we’re sure each of you have your own opinions as to what’s on your top ten list of things that bug us. Therefore, it’s just best we do not start our numbering with one.

So, as an homage to the great Nigel Tufnel and his amplifiers which go to eleven, we will actually be starting with number eleven.

When you’re wearing a polo shirt (or a golf shirt or tennis shirt, if you prefer to call it that), please do NOT button the top button,  especially if it fits tight against your neck. True, there may be some specially-styled shirts which are purposely designed to look good with the top button closed, but for most shirts that’s not the case. By the way, this also holds true for a dress shirt (also known as a button-up, button-down or button-front shirt), when you’re not wearing a tie.

The button is really only there for two purposes: (1) To allow the shirt to hang properly on a hanger, and (2) to allow the collar to be fully closed when it is worn with a tie.

Since you’re not wearing a polo shirt with a tie (we certainly hope not), and we assume you’ve removed the hanger from the shirt before putting it on, leave that damn top button open.

Seriously, it just makes no sense to button it, and it makes you look like a complete dork.

Although I haven’t actually calculated it, I’d guess about 50% of the time when I receive change from a cashier they hand me the bills then attempt to place any coins carefully on top of the bills. Excuse me, but what’s wrong with these people?

You would think that as they watched some of the coins slip off and fall to the floor they just might realize it would be so much easier to put the coins in my hand first, and then the bills. You would think this is something they would eventually learn. Sadly, I don’t think they ever will.

In addition, placing the coins on top of the bills virtually guarantees that I’ll need two hands to put away my change. If I’m holding bills in one hand and balancing coins on top of them, how am I supposed to put them away like that? Especially if I’ve got a hot cup of coffee in the other hand?

It’s simple: when giving change you should ALWAYS give the coins first, then the bills.

This is the topic which launched this blog. You see, so many idiotic things other people do really irritate us. And while you may at first think this is not a positive attitude to take, we see it quite differently. Instead of letting it get us truly upset, we try hard to find the humor in the stupidity of others.  You might not agree with all our peeves (and unfortunately we really do have a lot), but we’re sure you’ll find quite a few that get under your skin too.

Before this list is started, however, we want to state for the record that although they are numbered, the pet peeves will be in no particular order. Well, that’s not 100% accurate — they’re going to be numbered in the order in which we enter them in our blog.  Obviously, those we thought of first are probably much higher on our list of things that annoy us, but don’t assume one item bugs us more than another due to the number it is assigned.

Despite the fact that we explained this lack of priority or any real significance to the numbering of the pet peeves, we expect we’ll get suggestions from others about how to re-order the list.  That in itself should be entertaining as well, and might even make it one day as an item on the list itself.

So, what’s your pet peeve?

(In case you don’t get it, that question was  rhetorical, and thus we don’t need any comments for this post)

Welcome to TwoArrogant.com, a blog by Ian and Steve. This is our place to rant, vent, criticize, and otherwise express our opinions.  For the most part, this is where we’ll be expressing our frustration and making overall complaints about the stupidity of others. Perhaps you’ll appreciate our sarcasm and find as much humor in our musings as we do.

Perhaps not.

We realize that some of you may find us obnoxious, or perhaps even a bit too arrogant. That’s okay; you’re entitled to your opinion.  In case you didn’t realize it yet, we obviously have quite a few opinions of our own. If don’t find us funny or entertaining, then don’t read our blog. We’re sure there’s plenty of other crap on the Internet that might interest you.  Or better yet, write your own blog, where you can say what you want to hear.